Circle of Inquiry Worksheet

◈ The Situation · Person · Event

Share an event, experience, or moment where you felt caught off guard, isolated, powerless, and overwhelmed. This is simply about what happened — not what it means, not what you felt. Just the facts of the situation.

Examples

"My dad left and didn't come back." "My partner said they didn't love me anymore." "I was passed over for the promotion." "My mom looked at me with disgust." "I was publicly humiliated in class." "I found out I was being talked about."

Describe your situation here

Person(s) involved

Approximate age / time of life

0 Priming · The Ground Before the Shock "The conditioning that predisposed the conflict"

Priming is the inherited, learned worldview that made you prone to perceiving this situation the way you did — before the event ever happened.

What were you taught / shown about this theme growing up?

What worldview did your family or culture pass down?

1 Mining · Find the Exact Moment "Zoom in — what in that scene has the most emotional charge?"

Zoom In Completely

Not the whole story — the exact moment. What specifically was said? What was the look on their face? A tone of voice? A silence? A door closing? What precise instant carries the most charge right now?

The exact moment — what was said, seen, or done What specifically in that scene has the most energy (emotion) on it?

⬤ Immediacy — Can You BE With It?

Before finding meaning, give the sensation your full undivided attention. Not to fix or change it — just to be present with it.

Where do you feel it in the body? Describe the physical sensation (without the story) Wait for these two markers before moving on:

Sigh / Yawn Shoulders drop Deep breath Waves settle

2 Context · The Identity "What did I make this mean about me?"

"What did I make this mean about me?"

Our emotions don't come from what happened — they come from the meaning we make about what happened. That meaning becomes an identity. Change the meaning → change the identity = healing.

Perception vs. Identity — Know the Difference

Perception — NOT what we're looking for

"He abandoned me."

A way of seeing the situation — it points outward, describing an event.

Identity / Context — THIS is what we're after

"I am not enough."

The meaning made about you. A belief formed about your own identity. This is your context.

Your Core Identity Statement · I am / I am not

I am

Common examples: not wanted · not enough · bad · wrong · unlovable · don't belong · too much · not safe · invisible · not worthy

3 Is It True? "These beliefs live in the subconscious — they are never questioned"

"Can you absolutely know it is true?"

YES → go to 4 NO → go to 6

This is a Full-Body Answer

If you say No but your body still feels tense, contracted, or uncertain — trust the body. The body is saying Yes. Explore that. Continue through the inquiry with honesty rather than trying to get the "right" answer. Don't perform resolution — trust the process.

Remember

All conflicts begin in the psyche. Without the mind interpreting the event — what actually happened? Strip away the story. What is left?

What does it feel like to even consider that it might not be true?

4 Evidence · The Source of Our Evidence "Question what you think you know"

"All the evidence we have is self-created. Without your own evidence, can you find any other?"

List your "proof" that this identity is true

Expose the Nonsense

Does this evidence actually prove the identity is true? No false context can ever truly make sense — when examined closely, the logic always falls apart.

Example: "My proof that I'm not loved is people leave me." Does love come from someone staying? How close must they stay, and for how long, to count? You can see how quickly the logic unravels.

Now examine each piece of evidence — does it actually prove the identity is true, or does the logic fall apart when you look closely?

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Return to Step 3

Once you can see that your evidence doesn't hold up, and that the belief isn't actually true — go back to Step 3 and see if you can now honestly answer No. Continue to Step 5 regardless, as seeing the utility deepens the work.

5 Utility · What Do I Get Out of It? "Until you see the utility, it is useless. There is nothing to gain — it will let go of you."

We always choose what we believe is in our best interest. If you're holding onto something that feels like it doesn't serve you but you can't let it go — it is because somewhere, it is serving you. Usually to avoid something or to secure something.

Safety (example)

"If I believe I'm not enough, I never have to risk trying and failing."

✓ Validation (example)

"If I'm the victim, I'm right — and I receive sympathy and understanding."

◎ Freedom (example)

"If I don't belong, I don't have to commit or be truly vulnerable."

What do you get from believing this? What does it help you avoid?

Fear of Letting Go

Is there a fear of letting this identity go completely? If you released it — what is the worst case scenario you imagine would happen?

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Return to Step 3 — Once More

Now that you can see both that your evidence doesn't hold — and that you no longer need the belief for safety, validation, or freedom — return to Step 3. Can you answer No now?

6 Who Do I Become? "An entire way of being emerges from one moment"

"Who do I become when I believe my context?"

Patterns & strategies that activate when this identity is live

(e.g. please, perform, prove it, isolate, control, shut down, overachieve, avoid, disappear…)

Who do you become toward the other person / situation? What do you do — or stop doing — that is NOT your authentic self?

7 Who Am I in the Absence? "You ARE what you wanted to gain"

"How would I feel in the absence of this context?"

Describe the feeling, the quality, the sense of self — in the absence of your context

Return to the Scene

Now go back to the original moment. Be there — but this time, without your context. Without that identity present, how does the scene change? How does it feel different when you are there without it?

How does your life, work, and / or relationships change and open up in the absence of your context?

8 Turnaround "Find where the opposite is equally or more true"

Original belief	Turnaround	3 genuine examples of the turnaround being true
I am ________________
[Other] is ____________
[Other] should ________

Upsides & Gifts

What are the potential upsides to this event? What has it led you to? What has it taught you about yourself or life?

9 Paradox "When I'm in the center of the paradox, I'm in my power"

The Means We Use to Find Love / Safety / Freedom — Actually Push It Away

"I separated from my dad in response to a moment where he wasn't there for me — and created the very thing I didn't want."

"I reject myself to avoid rejection!"

"When I feel I don't belong, I avoid people — and it proves I don't belong."

Collapse the polarity — can you genuinely see how you unconsciously created the very thing you didn't want? How what you avoid or search for, you end up pushing away?

✦ Once you can genuinely laugh at yourself — you have resolved.

10 Resolution · Innocence "To understand is to see innocence — vs. 'I need to resolve'"

To understand is to see Innocence.

Resistance perpetuates more resistance. · Return to center.

Why did it make sense to believe what you did about yourself? What did that younger version of you not yet know?

Why did it make sense to adapt — to become someone you are not — in response to this event? Do you need this identity any more?

Yes No I'm not sure yet

11 Living Resolution "Understanding without action is just information"

"What is one thing you can do, or one conversation you can have, to go live your resolution?"

One action I will take When? (be specific)

One conversation I will have & with whom What I will say / how I will show up differently

The new story I am choosing to live from

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